FOR AUNTY TINA,

It's weird when people die because you never really see it coming, so it leaves you wondering what to say and how to act. You tell the person who's lost someone that you're sorry for their loss and you tell them that it'll get better and that they just need to cling on to that hope. What they don't tell you is that it doesn't get better, they just learn to accept it after a while, but it doesn't get better.

The most vivid memory I have of you is Ella and JSI singing "Tina won't you blow" to you on the phone. I knew you were ill but I didn't know how bad it was. I thought it would go away like most illnesses do but it didn't. If anything, it got worse and I found out you had cancer, it scared me more than anything but my first thoughts were you would get better, you would get treatments and you would be just fine. The one thought that never crossed my mind was that you could die. I mean, I knew you weren't immortal but I believed so much that I'd see you again, it hadn't yet registered to me that you might not survive it and that's exactly what happened, you didn't. I couldn't watch you go through that much pain so I put myself in denial and tried not to think about it, but now I wish I had paid more attention.

I sincerely will never forget that morning phone call from my dear mother telling me they had lost you, I dropped my phone from the shock and denial that you were literally gone and lost forever. I will never get over that moment and what it felt like, it cut way too deep to be real. I took a walk to clear my head, I tried to picture you dead, yes, dead but I couldn't. All I could see was your smiling face and I could hear your laughter. I fell apart in a store and I have never experienced grief like that in my entire life. Every thought of you hurt, it hurt too much to breathe, it hurt too much to eat, it hurt too much to sleep and it still does. People keep telling me that it'll be okay and that the bright side is that your pain and suffering has ended but it's a lot more than that. It was one of those things where I thought you'd always be there, and that you'd always be in my life but I was wrong. Bad things always happen to good people and I've learned that the hard way. You were way too young to go and it hurts so much.

I can't write anymore because my eyes are starting to well up and my words are becoming blurry. You may not be in my life anymore but you'll always be in my heart. Rest easy, and I hope you're smiling down at me from up there. Say hello to the big guy for me, tell Him that He won because heaven just gained a special angel. I will always love you.

With Love,
Laura.
X
19-11-16

FILMS I LOVED GROWING UP

As a child, I watched a lot of TV, and that helped a lot with my growing up. Here are some of my favourite movies that I enjoyed.

1. Nanny McPhee

2. Sound Of Music

 3.  Matilda

 4.  Home Alone 1-4

5. 101 Dalmatians

6. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

7. Freaky Friday

8. Parent Trap

9. Mean Girls

10. X-MEN

11.  Bad Boys

12.  The Water Boy

13. The Odd Life Of Timothy Green

14. A Walk To Remember

15. A Series Of Unfortunate Events

16. Flowers In The Attic

REVIEW OF YOU CAN'T RUN

I love to read but it has been a while since I last picked up a book. However, a friend introduced this one to me and it is amazing. I wasn't really up for reading it at first, because I thought it would be one of those stories that are repeatedly told in the light that they are true, but it has definitely changed me.

Mandy Thomas was 18 when she met a man whom she thought would be the man of her dreams and change her life forever. He was that man, until he decided to show his true colours, and before she knew it, she found herself in a violent and cruel relationship. It  wasn't just a cruel relationship, it was one withy no bounds, no damage was too big or to small to be done. I'm not going to go into it too much as it is a pretty deep book and I don't want to ruin it for anyone who's interested. I'll add a link at the bottom of the page of where to get it.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/You-Cant-Run-terrifying-relationship-ebook/dp/B01057ZSI6

HURTING IS OKAY

So many people that I know, and even those that I don't see expressing emotions as a sign of weakness, but I think it's a show of strength. It takes a lot to let your guard down and just let it go, I mean it's really hard to be open and vulnerable but sometimes it is good. I usually keep things to myself and I don't like to bother people with my issues but sometimes I find that talking to someone helps to ease the stress. It might not make the situation any better, but it does help to make you feel better.

 

We learn book lessons in school but they never teach you life lessons, they never tell you what to do when someone hurts you, they never tell you that it's okay to feel things, they never teach you that life doesn't always go as planned. The difference between school and life? In school, you are taught a lesson and then given a test. In life you are given a test that teaches you a lesson.

 

 

This might be a soppy post, but it's just something I wanted to write and get over with. I guess my point is that there is only so much hurt and stress we can take and it's okay to feel and cry. And it does actually have health benefits.

 

Everyone goes through so much at certain stages in their life and waking up everyday to keep going shows how strong you are. It takes a lot of courage and power to get through every second and every minute of problems that you have. There are always people who care and who will be there for you so just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful.

 

 

FOODS THAT LOOK GROSS BUT TASTE GREAT

Being judged by your appearance when you’re not a supermodel can be super hard, especially when you’re food. The following edible items have likely struggled with body-image issues their whole lives. They have SO MUCH TO OFFER and there is NOTHING wrong with the way they taste, but their presentation leaves much to be desired. Come on weird foods, you’re beautiful on the inside, where it’s supposed to count and most of the time does but a lot of times does not. The following foods need to take a look in the mirror and say, "I love and support you, you are beautiful, and you deserve a great day."

Buffalo Chicken Dip

 

Looks Like: Hot Cat Throw-Up.
Tastes Like: A gift from the guards that is both spicy and savoury and good on everything.

Mussels

 

Looks Like: A creature from the sea (duh).
Tastes Like: Whatever delicious sauce it is soaked in.

Chili Dogs

 

Looks Like: Dog vomit.
Tastes Like: Spicy heart attack waiting to happen.

Corned Beef Hash

 

Looks Like: Cat food.
Tastes Like: A meaty delight.

Passion Fruit

 

Looks Like: Alien fish larvae.
Tastes Like: Tropical sweet mangoes with lemon.

Guacamole

 

Looks Like: The insides of an alien.
Tastes Like: Mexican GOLD.

Oatmeal

 

Looks Like: That mush they serve in orphanages in the movies.
Tastes Like: A hearty breakfast (if you add some brown sugar).

Ginger

 

Looks Like: The gnarled hands of a witch.
Tastes Like: Palate-cleansing spiciness.

Beef Stroganoff

 

Looks Like: Dog food.
Tastes Like: Comforting beef.

Split Pea Soup

 

Looks Like: Puke.
Tastes Like: Creamy delight on a fall day.

Caviar

 

Looks Like: Fish eggs ... errrr.
Tastes Like: Something rich people eat.

Buddha’s Hands

 

Looks Like: The mangled hands of a ancient person.
Tastes Like: Lemons, apparently!

Tofu

 

Looks Like: A white sponge.
Tastes Like: Nothing, really. Which is better than tasting horrible! HAHAHHHHHH.

 

THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT BEING AN ADULT

I turn 20 in four months and I've never dreaded anything more. Since turning 17, my life has been a rollercoaster of trying to figure my life out and so far, so bad. No one ever tells you that you have to pay your own bills, or that you have to get a job to survive. No one ever tells you how hard it is to have to do your own laundry or how much you will miss the free meals that await you when you ditch your family for a whole day.

 Being an adult is great, I mean it's like simultaneously knowing you shouldn't watch just one more episode on Netflix whilst also knowing nobody can stop you. On the other hand, being an adult is the dumbest thing I've ever done. Here's how I feel:

 

 

When your parents kick you off their family plan, forcing you to pay your own cell phone bill.

You have to pay rent.

Your metabolism is too slow to eat fast food. You do it anyway, and self-pity immediately sets in.

You have to pay back the massive sum that is your student loans.

You start going to bed at 10 p.m., because you have to be up at 6 a.m. for work, and yes, because you're fucking tired.

Your mailbox is now full of bills, not money-filled cards from relatives.

You never see your friends because they're too busy shopping with their significant others

 9 to 5 is a time for mourning and depression.

You can no longer break laws without serious consequences.

When life hits you so hard in the face, you don't see it coming

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When you realise what it meant to have free food

 

 

However, being an adult does have some perks like,

 

 The ability to not give a shit is amazing because it doesn’t affect anyone else.

  

 

Having your own credit card(s) makes you live life like a boss.

 

 

 

 You do what you want, when you want, because you want to.

 

EX CHOCOHOLIC

Growing up, I loved chocolates. I was one of those kids who couldn't go a day without eating chocolate or having some form of sweets. However, I ate so many snickers when I was 15 that I made myself ill. I became more of a stress eater and not someone who ate it because I liked it. I usually hate nuts but I kind of realised the only chocolates I still eat are ones with nuts. I hate dark and milk chocolates, I only eat the white ones and even then, they have to be certain brands.

I think the worst thing about hating chocolates is not being able to eat birthday cakes. Most people tend to get gooey chocolate cakes for their birthdays and I don't know why, but what I do know is that the smell drives me insane and makes me physically want to puke. As I'm writing this, all I can picture is someone forcing chocolate down my throat and it's not a good feeling. I think I would pick Blue cheese over chocolate if need be, and I'm lactose intolerant which is definitely saying a lot.

Anyway, there are very few chocolates that I do like and some may argue that they aren't really chocolate because they're white but who cares? These are the chocolates that I like and eat.

These are basically the white Ferrero Rochers, and they've got a coconut flavour and a nut in side of them, with a cream filling.

No words needed, white delicious goodness.